somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
