The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
