Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
