A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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