At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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