I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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