Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
