she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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