Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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