NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
