Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
