Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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