we're blogging at a bar
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
