i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
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I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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