Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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