You're my little dorito
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
