Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
