i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
