I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
operation harelip BJ is a go
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
