girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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