There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
