I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
