You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
