The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bring me that man meat
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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