I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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