my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
