i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
