nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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