When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
