Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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