Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
