we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
