Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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