you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
