People in love make me want to vomit
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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