i just wanna soil my oats bro
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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