I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
