Plan B is the new Plan A
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
