who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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