I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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