I didn't shave. On purpose
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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