i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
