I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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