Four minutes until I can fart!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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