I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And then my night got REAL pukey
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
