I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
