I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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