Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
