This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
