You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
