So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Come on in and take your pants off
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