My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize