So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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