Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
