the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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