I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My dad just said "fuck circus"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
