I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
