Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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