Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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