You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it was like eating out sand paper
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
