I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
