She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
