is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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