make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
