I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
