Kiss
Puke
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
