I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
