Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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