All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
