Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
